Where did you get a picture of my penis
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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