@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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