Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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