I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
