her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Every concussion has its silver lining
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
