No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sobbing to NWA
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
