so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
