look no pants
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
