My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Im part way to drunk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
