The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
