You smell like stripper and shame
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
