i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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