Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
