I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
