You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
