my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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