I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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