Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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