Little spoons don't ask big questions
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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