stop calling my apartment porn island.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
