If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
