So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
