I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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