Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
