He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
