so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
