Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
