Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
kristin has been a bad kristin
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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