It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
