Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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