I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
