Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
