so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
as a side note pls kill me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
