so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
