Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
