i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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