The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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