the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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