I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
