organizing the empties. That sober.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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