mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
