Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Randomize
