I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
