I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
