remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
