i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
