My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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