everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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