She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
