You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
