OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
