Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
